My dentist recently handed me a $6,850 treatment quote, and somewhere between the words' bone graft' and 'custom abutment,' I found myself thinking: maybe I should get a gold tooth. Or, if I really wanted to lean into myth, go full George Washington and whittle myself a wooden one.

Both gold and wood have been wrapped up in our stories about teeth for centuries. And both say something about the difference between appearance and substance.

When Bling Was True

Gold teeth aren’t just a hip-hop trend — they go back thousands of years. The Etruscans in Italy, the Mayans in Central America, and even early Americans used gold in dentistry. It was strong and durable, and in some cultures, it signaled great wealth. Dentists still love gold today because it lasts, and it’s gentler on opposing teeth than porcelain.

Ironically, gold crowns are often cheaper now than the natural-looking porcelain ones. What once screamed luxury is now the budget option.

When Bling Was False

And then there’s George Washington’s wooden teeth. He never had them. What he actually wore were dentures made of ivory, human teeth, and metal. But ivory stains, and over time, it can look grainy and dark, like wood. The wooden teeth story stuck because it fit what we imagined old-time dentistry to be. A myth that “looked” right became truth in our cultural memory.

Modern Dental Ironies

Fast forward to now: porcelain and zirconia crowns are the invisible luxury. They’re expensive, artificial, and require incredible lab work — but they blend in seamlessly. They look natural, even though they’re anything but. Meanwhile, gold, the old standard, is rarely used unless one is looking for bold and bling bling bling.

I've talked about this before: my teeth have always looked great. I've had only one shallow cavity, no root canals, no cracks or breaks...nothin' but ~white. But underneath—where no one could see—all was not well. There was infection and bone loss, and a future of trouble. Looks were deceiving.

Beyond Teeth: The Same Lesson Everywhere

This isn’t just a dental story. It’s the same pattern in health, wellness, and even the kitchen. For example:

• Supplements promise miracles, but the quiet, boring habits — beans, fiber, sleep — are the real treasure.
• Instagram glow and filters look radiant, but it’s daily stress reduction and steady routines that keep people healthy-looking.
• Fancy bottles of skincare with ten exotic ingredients don’t outperform a simple, well-made cleanser or moisturizer, and more expensive doesn't mean more effective.
• Sometimes you really are just paying for a name (French and German brands of cast iron pots and pans come to mind; very nice, but so is good ol' Lodge).

When It’s Worth Paying More

Not all shine is false. Sometimes the real bling is the thing that quietly endures and supports your needs and desires. For example:

• An expert. This can be a medical (or dental) specialist, a mechanic who knows your car's specific make, or a contractor with an impressive portfolio of installing the same kind of traditional tile you'd like to put on your floors. If what you need done or assessed is special or specific, seek out an expert.
• A good kitchen knife. It holds its edge for decades means less waste, less frustration, and fewer cheap replacements in landfills. If you love your knife, you might love cutting vegetables and fruits even more than you already do.
• My over-the-ear noise-cancelling headphones (Bose). These have lasted 10+ years. Sure, they cost more upfront, but they have given me excellent sound and saved me hundreds that I might have spent cycling through cheaper pairs. I recently paid $35 to replace the foam ear cushions, and it's like the headphones are brand new again.
• Pillows, mattresses, and shoes, all things you spend plenty of time in or on. Invest in quality. Your spine, joints, and feet will thank you. I'm hooked on Sole cork insoles (though like all cork insoles, they squeak a bit while you're walking), Topo sneakers, and Softstar handmade shoes.

• Sometimes it’s about delight, not durability: a fountain pen that glides, a teapot that feels right in the hand, or a pair of glasses that makes you smile every time you put them on or look in the mirror.

Paying more for true quality isn’t about image — it’s about stewardship, for both your wallet and the planet, and about choosing joy where it really counts.

Conclusion

I won’t be getting a gold front tooth (though imagine me on a job interview with it, or at my high school reunion, which is coming up). But I’m also not dazzled by the idea that what looks expensive or flashy is always better. Whether it’s crowns, kale, or cast iron, the real value isn’t always where the shine is.

The trick is knowing the difference: when bling is just surface, and when it’s substance.

Still, if you ever see me grinning with a diamond in my smile, you'll know I’ve fully embraced the irony.

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(This blog is not intended to diagnose or treat disease. I am not a physician. Please consult your physician for any medical advice. Thanks.)

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